I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you are never too drunk for berry picking
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
