you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize