My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
