u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize