Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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