I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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