do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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