you have to choose: penises or morals?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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