Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
