Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
