Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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