You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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