Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
