i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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