3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
