census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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