Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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