Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
