Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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