The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
