She said her name was "party"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
