i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
