Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
