We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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