I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
