so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
