You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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