Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize