i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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