i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So here I am, sexting at work.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
