how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
