I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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