under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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