i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
