he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
