so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
