How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
