I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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