You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
