Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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