so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
