I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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