No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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