Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
