I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
