I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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