i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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