who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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