the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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