i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
