There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
