I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
