dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
