ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
