either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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