Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
