He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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