she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
