Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
