What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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