If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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