I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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