U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
