I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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