"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
