they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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