Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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