Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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